What is happiness? Seriously, have you thought about what makes YOU happy? I think a lot of people think that happiness is something that they have not achieved yet. But what have you already achieved?
I remember years ago when I was first trying to get the man I loved to love me back that I thought I would only be happy if HE loved me back... Now I have that. So am I happy? I've been telling myself I'm not because there is another goal I've not achieved. Yes, I have his love, I had him texting me this morning telling me “Thank you for being the love of my life.” But all I could focus on today was what else do I need to be happy?
That is the problem. We keep thinking we need MORE to make us happy. But the truth is WE make our own happiness! Happiness is a habit. I realized tonight as he lay next to me watching of all shows Dr. Phil, that I am VERY happy! Good ol, Dr. Phil! Lol I have so much in my life and he (Myles, NOT Dr. Phil) is a VERY big part of it. I am happy. I have SO much to be happy for! So tonight, I thought I would make my list!...
My kids. I've been having SO many problems with them right now, but at the end of the day... they are me. They are my family, they are my tradition. They know me more than I know myself sometimes. My family means so much for me. I never knew I would be so family oriented until I actually had a family of my own. It is easy to take them for granted because they have and will always be there. But they are the reason why I am here. They give me meaning. They give me so much joy. They also give me sorrow... but I would rather have those bad days and days when I just feel like taking my daughter by the hair and shoving her out the door and telling her to grow up than never having to be around her at all. She is my best friend even though all I get from her right now is "Stop trying to Mother me!" lol But I am her mother and I will always be. I love that I am. I love that I've been given her and all of them. They drive me up the wall at times, but I would rather have them in my life than never to have known the pitfalls and joys of motherhood at all. I know that no matter what, they will always be there for me and vice versa. My children mean so much to me. They make me smile. They have taught me things about myself that I would have never known if they would have not come into my life. They make me, me! :-)
My home. Oh, it is a mess at times. I would LOVE to say I am a PERFECT homemaker.... yeah right! Lol At times I have no ability to clean or make it look acceptable. We have so many dogs and people running all though out my home that I can't keep up with anyone. But it gives us solace and a place to hang our hats (pointy hats! lol) My family and I can come here, sit on the couch and talk about our feelings and watch cheesy Disney movies and talk about the good old days together. Myles and I just got our Christmas tree up. He came home tonight with our fourth Christmas tree! It is some tropical pine... he is one of those people that knows EVERYTHING about plants. My first question was "What is a tropical pine?" Yeah, so I got to know that and all of it's relatives... my next question was "What is a puzzle Monkey Tree?" I decided not to ask that since I knew he would tell me. (He told me they are related and I just nodded my head like I knew what the heck he was talking about!) lol This is something I admire about him since plants and magick go hand in hand and he is one with the plants! I think he was a tree in his past life. :-) So we got a new Christmas tree today that I've never heard about. It was already decked in glitter any everything. His family will be visiting us for the first time this year for Christmas. Our halls are fully decked and it feels like the good old days when the kids were young and when times were simple. It is full of happiness and excitement! I love it! I realize with it's flaws, I am SO happy to have my home and so happy to have all the kids, people and dogs that it can hold. It is old, but comfortable. We don't live in the best neighborhood, but our neighbors are real. There are no fake pretenses. We are your all American family, we are all crazy, love each other, smart, rebellious, and opinionated and I love it! I realize that makes me happy! :-)
My past... It has been full of so much pain and so much joy. I've had one of those lives that when I tell people about it... they have encouraged me to write a book about it. Lol But you know what. That past... it made me, ME! I like the person I am. I am a good person. I CARE about others. I can understand people. I can relate and feel the pain of others. And you know what... I would not have it any other way. But you also know what... I've got amazing memories. I've got so many things that have shaped my life and people who I would have never had the opportunity to meet and love if it wasn't for those hardships. I don't think I would realize how happy I was right now if I had not know how scared and miserable and just plan devastated I had been in the past. I hate parts of my past and hate how hurt and scared I was, there are times I can't even think about with out having a panic attack, but I am also happy about some of the amazing people and things that did happen and also see how they have lead me to where I am now. I would not trade all that pain for a second if I could not experience the joy I feel now with my children and the man I love. I would go through it all again in a second to be here if I had to. That shows how happy I really am! I realized that today and that really made me realize what happiness really is!
My customers... since the hardship my family and I went through last July/August with some admittedly sad and mean people, I've been a bit jaded and depressed. I had been so excited before hand about all the good publicity I got. My good reputation on ebay (that thankfully still stands), and being recognized as a top spell caster. Being know as a TRUE spell caster. It was awesome and meant SO much to me. But when people tried to ruin my name and hurt my family... especially my daughter (thankfully I do look young, but obviously I am not in my 20's no matter how much I try! lol), it hurt me to the core. I was naive and didn't realize how crazy and sicking the whole online spell casting business was. I thought it would be no different than my clients locally. Definitely not the case. So being unprepared... I honestly had a hard time coping. As much as I hate to seem weak... I really did take things to heart and was very, very hurt. My family and I were just trashed and for no reason other than someone wanting to try and hurt us. Jealousy was a huge reason for it. People were jealous of my good reputation and who I was. I didn't realize that there was so much competition and so many online bullies out there. So I became a bit reclusive. I do this when I am hurt. I didn't want to bond with anyone since I worried they would stab me in the back, I think anyone could understand that. I've made my WHOLE mission when I started casting to try and help others. When you do that, you REALLY have to bond with people. Being burned... it was hard to allow myself to open myself up again to be hurt. So I was taken down a notch and yes, I did mess up by stepping back. I shouldn't have, but I didn't know what to do. I was SO HURT! I stopped emailing like I should because I was hurt... no, I was devastated. I was also too worried to admit it since I worried people would judge me. I'm not supposed to get hurt. I'm a spell caster. I'm suppose to be strong and let nothing get to me. Well... that was not the case. I'm not super woman. Because I am emotional, that is why I am so good at what I do. That is why I can relate to people. But those emotions got to me. I got very depressed. It was hard for me to get out of bed and I was able to cast, but not much else. Casting was fun, it always has been since I feel super human when I cast. So that was not a problem. But it was hard talking and bonding with people again after the whole ROR mess. I felt my whole reason for being was gone. BUT a lot of my customers and friends came to me and talked me out of it. I realized that just because people hurt me, it does not mean I need to let them get me down. I also realized that I AM LOVED! People do need me and people do care about me more than people want to hurt me. It is just funny how a handful of people can get you down more than hundreds of positive emails can bring you up. It made me realize I was focusing on the negative because negative just is so much louder for some reason. It is because happiness and positive energy really is something we all need to work on. I realized that forming those bonds with people made those people care for me just as much as I cared about them. I realized that I needed to take care of me before taking care of others. So that's what I've done. I've been trying to get myself out of that state of mind and it is working. I have been emailing again and having people tell me how much they appreciate all I've done for them really, really, motivates me. Having people tell me of their successes makes me feel that I am doing what I should be doing, and having people tell me how much they love me makes me realize this is really what I was meant to do. No matter what evil tries to take me down, this is what God intended me to do. This is what he had in mind for me. This is my calling. My guardian Angels have been all around me and have told me just today that they are here for me. I realize that THIS, Life Spirits... it is what makes me happy! It gives my life purpose. When ever I get someone telling me how much I helped them... it makes me happy. It gives me a smile when someone tells me that I've helped them and that I did something to give them some happiness!
So I guess the point of the rant is that there is SO much that really makes me happy. There is SO much that gives me hope and meaning. There really is such a LONG list I can give you. But I really hope that you can take the time and make your own list. Really! Try it out! I feel SO much better today after listing what I am happy for. I realize that I need to do this every day. I am sure from day to day my “happy list” will change. But the point is... there is a happy list! :-) We can all be happy. No matter what is going on in our life. You can be happy. I really believe that even the horrible times in my life... I could have been able to pick out things that made me happy. That is the point. YOU can be happy and just by listing those happy things will bring you more happiness. You need to realize what YOU are focusing on. Happiness is a habit. It really is! What does it take? It takes you realizing what you are happy with right now and the more you realize what you are happy with... the longer that list will be. I mean it, try it out! :-)
So I am going to try and focus on happiness! I found some AWESOME books and will be having some happiness lessons on the message board soon! :-) PLEASE join in! I think EVERYONE needs a lesson on being happy! So lets try and focus on what makes us happy so the universe can grant us even more happiness. That is how it works! ;-)