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By Audra English
Defining the Ego - Why it's Crucial to Know and Accept it!
Have you ever heard someone say that "he has a big ego?" or that "she just can't let go of her ego?" People often talk about the ego as though it's something negative or even dangerous. And that's truly a shame because the ego is nothing but a part of who we are - a part that's crucial to know and accept.
The ego is the mental construct of ourselves. It's a collection of beliefs, self-images, and inner narratives that make up our sense of self. The ego is not inherently good or bad - it just is. However, its power can create a sense of separation between ourselves and others. The ego is often oriented towards external validation and the pursuit of pleasure, which can lead to neglecting the needs of others and fostering a sense of superiority or inferiority over others.
It's important to recognize the ego because it's something we carry with us every day, and it shapes the way we perceive and interact with the world. Understanding our ego allows us to become more self-aware and to make conscious decisions about how to use its power. We can learn to recognize when we're making ego-driven decisions and work on making more balanced choices.
Accepting the ego means embracing who we are entirely, both our strengths and weaknesses. Instead of trying to suppress or deny it, we can recognize and accept our egos, finding balance between our inner-self with our behaviors, emotions, and communication with others. The process of accepting the ego can lead to greater self-acceptance and self-love, helping us to navigate life with more intention and authenticity.
Being ego-aware means that we can learn to discern the difference between our inner-selves and the projections that the ego is constantly pushing forward. The ego is not just our self-image but the image we create for others to receive as well, therefore, impact our relationships. By understanding the ego, we can be more empathetic and better communicators.
However, being ego-aware does not mean that we should choke the ego to death. Our ego is essential to getting through life and having a healthy dose of self-confidence. But when the ego verges into a territory of arrogance and entitlement, that is when the ego needs to be reigned back and kept under control.
The ego is a part of our mental construct that's essential to know and accept. By understanding and embracing our ego, we become empowered with self-awareness and self-acceptance, as well as more empathetic in our relationships with others. At the same time, we need to acknowledge when our ego takes over and learn how to keep it in check, so it doesn't go overboard. By practicing ego-awareness, we become more intentional about the choices we make and how we interact with the world. So, don't reprimand your ego, but be aware of it to lead a more balanced life.
50 Signs Your Ego is in Control of you:
You are constantly feeling you're a victim of your circumstances.
You live in a scarcity mindset.
You feel you are in competition with the world.
You don't feel empowered.
You feel people are either good or bad... it's only black and white to you.
You lack validation and strive to have people “see” or validate you.
You can't handle any criticism, even if it is constructive.
You feel you are right.
You don't feel you are good enough.
You are afraid if people knew the “true” you, they'd reject you.
You feel you are defined by your past.
You don't believe people can grow or change. You believe who they are is who they'll always be, yourself included.
You don't feel you are complete unless you have love, money, or validation from an outside source.
You don't know how to find happiness in the current moment you're living in.
You don't live in the current moment, you're either stuck in the past or worried about the future.
You hold other people accountable for your happiness or lack thereof.
You cover up your feelings by numbing them.
You only seek wisdom to validate yourself and your belief system.
You need others to be impressed by you.
You aren't fulfilled.
You get offended by other people's opinions.
You need to win.
Your reputation is important to you and you'll do anything to make sure you are in charge of how other people perceive you.
You don't put yourself out there because you're too afraid of getting hurt.
You believe hurting someone else will relieve your own pain.
Don't feel you have much to be thankful for.
Will only find peace once everything falls in place.
You are impatient.
You don't like how you look in the mirror.
You compare yourself to others.
You are bothered by others getting attention.
You have problems with people taking selfies or tend to body shame strangers online.
You get into debates with strangers online and need to be the winner of the argument.
You tend to think someone thinks badly of you after they meet you or talk with you.
You are constantly in a state of anxiety.
You let people violate your boundaries or you violate theirs.
You need to have a relationship “validated” in order to feel secure in it.
You are obsessed about the title of the relationship more than just spending time with that person.
You have extremely high expectations of yourself and/or other people.
You are very reactive and upset if someone believes something about you that is untrue.
You fear being a burden.
You don't have a strong sense of self.
You fear being abandoned or rejected.
You're a perfectionist.
You love giving bad or negative feedback.
You complain or whine a lot.
You don't stand up for yourself or other people.
You're not able to tell someone they hurt you for fear they'd leave if you stood up for yourself.
You don't start new projects or hobbies for fear you'd fail or do poorly.
You are pessimistic.
Counter the Ego With Emotional Intelligence
We've all heard of intelligence quotient (IQ) as a measure of intelligence, but have you ever heard about emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence or EQ is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions while also recognizing the emotions of others. Think of EQ as the intelligence you use to navigate your interpersonal relationships. We're here to tell you all about what emotional intelligence is, and why it's important.
At the core of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Knowing why you feel a certain way and what situations trigger emotions is crucial to understanding and managing them. Self-awareness helps you recognize the feelings that drive your behaviors, which in turn increase your ability to manage them effectively. When you're self-aware, you'll have better chances of responding positively to a situation rather than reacting defensively, impulsively, or emotionally.
Self-management is another important aspect of emotional intelligence. This is when you understand how to manage and regulate your emotional responses. It includes being in control of your emotions, rather than having them control you, and is an important part of developing healthy coping mechanisms. Self-management is all about understanding when to express and when to control emotions, particularly during challenging situations.
Social awareness is the third component of emotional intelligence, which involves understanding and empathizing with others. To be socially aware, you need to be skilled in deciphering others’ moods and emotions, even non-verbally, and also understand the impact of emotions on others. Strong social awareness can also help you steer conversations by being more responsive and engaging with people.
Lastly, relationship management is an important part of emotional intelligence. When you have good relationship management skills, you can deal with conflict, build lasting relationships, and inspire positive change in others. Strong relationship management skills can help you navigate different personalities, collaborate with other people, and even lead teams.
Emotional intelligence is an essential skill in our personal and professional lives. Once you start understanding your own emotions, you can better understand the emotions of others and navigate relationships in a more compassionate and effective way. All the components of emotional intelligence- self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management- build upon each other to create a complete toolbox to help navigate our emotional lives. Developing EQ requires time and effort, but the payoff is worth it.
The Ego vs Emotional Intelligence
When you can recognize and control your feelings, while also being considerate of others' emotions, your ego will stay in line. Plus, your energy and vibe will soar!
But here's the twist: forget about ego and focus on emotional intelligence. It's the secret sauce for leveraging the law of attraction in your favor.
Boosting your emotional intelligence is like reclaiming the reins on your ego. You'll finally become the genuine, fabulous person you've always wanted to be.
Embrace Your Emotional Intelligence with these Practical Exercises and Tips
1. Identify your emotions: Sometimes, we're so caught up in our thoughts that we forget to recognize what we're feeling. The first step towards emotional intelligence is to identify your emotions. Start by paying attention to your thoughts and how they make you feel. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" or "Why do I feel this way?" By becoming aware of your emotions, you can learn to regulate them better.
2. Practice empathy: Put yourself in other people's shoes. Empathy is about understanding and feeling what others feel. To develop empathy, try actively listening to others and understanding their perspective and experiences. When talking to someone, pay attention to their tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions to get a better sense of their emotions.
3. Communicate effectively: Communication is key to building strong relationships. To communicate better, start by being present in the conversation. Put your phone away, make eye contact, and actively listen to what the other person is saying. Instead of reacting impulsively, take a deep breath, and respond with kindness and empathy. Remember, effective communication isn't just about speaking; it's also about listening.
4. Practice self-awareness: Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It involves understanding your values, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses. Take time to reflect on your thoughts and actions. Ask yourself, "Why did I react that way?" or "What can I do differently next time?". By being self-aware, you can recognize your triggers and learn to manage your emotions better.
5. Be open-minded: Embrace diversity and be open to new ways of thinking and doing things. Our differences make us unique, and by embracing them, we can learn a lot from each other. Be curious about other people's cultures, beliefs, and experiences. By embracing diversity, you'll develop a better understanding of others' emotions and perspectives.
Tips on Improving Your Self-Esteem:
Don't let your ego hold you back from accepting yourself and becoming self-aware. When you embrace self-awareness, you're taking control away from that pesky ego and leveling up your emotional intelligence. Boost your self-esteem and find true happiness by prioritizing self-acceptance. It's a key ingredient for success!
Journal or script. The more you allow your true self to speak, the more you'll start learning and accepting who you truly are.
Complement others. When you take time to look at people and consider what you like about them, you'll be much less concerned about what they think about you and will make a friend in the long run.
Accept that YOU are in control of your happiness. You are only as happy as you make your mind up to be. So focus on learning to be happy in the current moment.
Stop dwelling on the past and stop obsessing about the future. Savor every moment you have in your life and that starts with appreciating the little things that happened to you today.
Set strong boundaries with other people. If someone is treating you badly, stand up for yourself or at the very least, walk away. Life is too short to put up with people who make you feel like crap. Surround yourself with positive people. The people we spend time with can have a significant impact on our self-esteem. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who encourage and inspire you. Limit time with people who bring you down or are negative about your goals and aspirations. Seek out friends and mentors who uplift you and believe in your potential.
Find things you love about yourself, no matter how small. Write down what makes you happy, what makes you proud, what makes you beautiful, worthy, and unique.
Write down positive affirmations and quotes and put them everywhere!! On your mirror, in your phone, on your computer, at work, on the fridge. Surround yourself with positive energy.
Stop watching and looking at things that carry negative energy. The more you find beauty around you, the more you'll find beauty within you.
Take selfies!! Post pictures of yourself. Talk about your passions and your dreams. Talk about the things you're currently interested in. Be goofy! Share your TRUE self and don't allow yourself to worry about what other people think about you when you post. The more you get used to being yourself and loving who you are, the more magnetic you become.
Give other people a platform. Get excited about other people's selfies, self reflections and interests. Engage and encourage! Allow them to shine without it saying something about you or making you feel jealous. The less you need other people to see you, the more you'll start seeing yourself. It will give you a huge sense of freedom.
Whenever you find yourself thinking a negative thought about yourself or another person, stop and reflect. Where did that thought come from? How can you change that narrative? The more mindful you are towards your thoughts and feelings, the more you'll be in control of what your subconscious is thinking.
Realize that your past does not define you. You are growing and evolving every single day. If you are around people (including yourself!) that will not let you grow or evolve, you need a change of scenery. Move on. Move on from your past and that mindset.
Meditate. The best way to get in control of your mind and ego is to silence it. Spend time daily meditating.
Live with gratitude. Be thankful for even the things that you've had to suffer through by finding out what they've taught you. Turn your pain into purpose by learning those lessons and growing from them.
Search out knowledge and information that challenges your perspective on things. Don't be afraid to learn something new. The more open minded you are and accepting of other ideas and people, the more your own self esteem and self-acceptance will rise.
Challenge and change your inner dialog if you find that you're bullying yourself. Be your own life coach. Watch videos and search for books that are encouraging. The more you coach and work on your inner dialog, the more likely you'll find people who will cherish you and support you. Your self worth is essential and a non negotiable when it comes to attracting the right people and circumstances into your life.
Take a break when you need it. Have a moment when you need one. Take a day off. Cry. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. All of them! Don't label them as bad or good. They are valid. You are valid. Instead, try to figure out why you feel that way and what is the best course of action to take once you get those emotions out. Denying our emotions is exactly how the ego kicks in and takes over.
Take care of your body. The more you love and care for your body, the better you'll feel about yourself. Don't work out to lose weight... work out to get healthy. You're not trying to fix a deficit, you're trying to cherish yourself because you're worthy of good health. People who focus on losing weight have poor success because their mindset and vibration is in a negative. They only see a fat person in the mirror and that is who they continue to be. Those that start focusing on getting healthy and loving their bodies start losing weight and getting healthier as a result. Learn to enjoy moving your body. Eat healthy food, drink plenty of water, get sunshine. Do this because you deserve to be healthy and happy. Create rituals for yourself that make you feel pampered.
Accept your flaws and eccentricities. In fact, love them! That is what makes you, you! Unless you're hurting someone, you should embrace the little bits about yourself that “society” might frown on. Who is society anyway? Truth is, we need more real in this world. We crave it! The more real you are, the more you show your flaws and those parts of you that you've been hiding or covering up, the more people are going to be drawn to you.
Stop complaining and whining. Don't like something? Fix it!! Don't let other people be in charge of your destiny by giving them the keys to fixing things going wrong in your life. Make sure you start focusing on what is going right and taking charge and fixing what is going wrong.
Set mini (and easily achievable) goals and get to work. As humans, we are goal-oriented and success driven. When we are able to see we can accomplish the goals we set, it improves our self worth and allows us to strive to set and achieve things we once only dreamed was possible. Setting achievable goals for yourself can help boost your confidence and sense of accomplishment. Start by breaking down big goals into smaller, more manageable ones. Celebrate your victories along the way and remember that progress takes time. Be kind and patient with yourself, and know that setbacks are normal and can be opportunities to learn and grow.
Boost your self-esteem and watch your luck skyrocket! Say goodbye to the ego and hello to attracting everything you've ever wished for. It may take some time and effort, but trust me, the results are totally worth it. Supercharge your success by boosting your emotional intelligence! Master the art of handling your emotions and uncovering and loving your true self.